The Wedding Vows
Will you have sex with me forever?
Men and women do not look at an upcoming marriage the same way. It's just a fact of life. To illustrate the point, here are some wedding vows that were discoved in a trash bin outside a Las Vegas hotel. It is believed that the wedding was called off.
Found in a Woman's Handwriting...
The moment I saw your face I was struck by the depth of character revealed in your eyes. I never believed in love at first sight before, but when I looked into those eyes, I felt something indescribable from deep within my soul, and I knew it had to be love. When you asked me to marry you I was the happiest woman on earth, and I still am today.
Leonard, I promise to stay by your side during difficult times and celebrate with you during the good. I will lift you when you are down and support you through anything your gentle mind feels is the best for your personal self. You are to me, life itself, and I am so proud to be marrying you today.
Leonard, come with me as we travel the walk of life together, sharing every moment of every day, no matter what befalls us, for the rest of our lives. I love you Leonard; I promise to be true to you and be the best wife I can possibly be forever more.
Leonard, will you accept me as I am and be my husband for all eternity?
Found in a Man's Handwriting...
The moment I saw your face I knew that with a little botox you'd be lookin' do-able. I never believed in love at first sight, that's a croc, but when I saw your legs, I'm pretty sure I felt it move and I wanted sex with you more than I did with the other girl I met that day. I knew I'd have to marry you to get some nookie, 'cause you're kind of a prude, so even though I had to do it with the other girl back then, you're the one I asked to marry me. When you said yes, I was the horniest dude alive and I'm still horny today, especially because it's our wedding night, if you know what I mean.
Brenda, I promise I won't ask you for sex more than three times a week after the honeymoon, and maybe a bit longer, 'cause I know that makes you mad, and when we're not doing it, I'll try not to pinch your ass, poke your boobs or ask you if you wanna wag my tail too much. I'll lift you up if you fall down and I'll always be there to support your breasts when they start to sag. You are a little large for me, but I still hope our marriage lasts longer than my other ones.
Brenda, come back to the hotel room with me and we can consummate 'till the cows come home. I think you're pretty cool Bren', and I promise to try my extra-hardest to be true to you and be the kind of husband that Joe is, because he still gets to go to the bar without his wife. If that happens, this could last a while.
Brenda, will you tie the knot with me and be my sex partner for as long as we make it?