Something is wrong with my wife once again,
She's planning to leave and says I am to blame,
Can someone please help me to figure this out?
I don't understand what she's talking about.

So what if the answer I gave her was yes,
When asked if she looked fat in that purple dress,
So what if I honk when I squeeze on her breast,
My horn imitation is one of my best.

She wanted a deck with those fancy oak rails,
So I bought her a hammer, some wood and some nails,
When she needs a picture hung up on the wall,
I hold the chair tight so that she doesn't fall.

She thinks she should tell me what marriage should bring,
Insisting we both sit and talk about things,
I told her it's really not all that complex,
Just feed me my dinner and have lots of sex,

It seems with my wife something's always amiss,
You'd think she'd be fine after one big french kiss,
But here's an example of her mental state,
She thinks that my girlfriend was one big mistake!

I don't understand what the problem could be?
She says it's not her that the problem is me,
How stupid is that? Could she be deranged?
Maybe for her sake there's some things I'll change.

When she needs a picture hung up on the wall,
I'd better not offer my help after all,
I won't say that purple dress makes her look fat,
I'll just say I don't think that you should wear that.

I'm thinking my girlfriend will just have to go,
Instead I'll find someone my wife doesn't know,
I won't squeeze her breast 'till she's fallen asleep,
And I'll stop all that honking and just say "beep beep!"

It looks like I don't need your help anymore,
I have all the answers I've been looking for,
Thank you for trying though, it means a lot,
It's time to go tell my new wife what I've thought.